Caesar and I began stealing by accident. We were on a Friday night date at the Cheesecake Factory and when the waiter came around to drop off the bill at the table, Caesar reached down for his wallet only to find that it was missing. I was about to suggest that one of us drive back home, but before I even began to verbalize the thought, Caesar was already determined on a plan of his own. He stood up confidently and told me that everything was going to be okay—that I should just follow along and trust him. He reached out for my hand and we walked out normally, without any hint of guilt or regret. 

It was actually quite satisfying. Initially I felt a little nervous, of course. It felt like anything could happen to us at any second. But as soon as we made it into the car, I couldn’t help but to let out a small laugh. There was something really liberating about it all. In a way it was like a spiritual experience. I mean that. But its hard to explain. I don’t know if Caesar felt the same way, but it definitely opened up a whole new world for me. Everything became so accessible, I felt like I could do anything, as stupid and trivial and immoral as the entire ordeal may have been. 

It wasn’t like we were trying to make a political statement or anything— we were just unapologetic. Caesar initiated it, but it was me who insisted to continue afterwards, and Caesar just went along naturally. We knew that what we were doing was wrong, but it didn’t necessarily feel wrong. So, we spiraled into a phase of our relationship I personally titled: “Small Crimes and Other Vanities.” 

Big and crowded restaurants were easy because they camouflaged our escape. We would go and order our food, making sure we ordered anything we wanted off the menu. We would fill our bellies and go home. Chinese, Italian, Lebanese, American, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, or Mexican…etc. We didn’t have a preference of whom to exploit. 

It didn’t go on for too long. We weren’t doing it out of necessity, so after the initial high was over, there was really no reason for us to continue. We weren’t looking to get into trouble either. 

On our last dinner we went to Applebee’s. I had a 7 oz. sirloin steak and mashed potatoes and Caesar had the three cheese chicken cavatappi. 

We were so in love. 

©Scarlett S. Diaz 2025